There’s a new trend in Japan, a society which is big on rituals. Couples can have a divorce ceremony at a “divorce mansion.”  The ceremony includes the smashing of the wedding rings with a special gavel.  The cost is 55,000 yen (approximately $600).  I think each of those smashed rings need a Wedding Ring Coffin!

Read all about it at:
http://bit.ly/bMquPS

A young woman I know has been involved with her boyfriend for the past three years.  She lives in NY and he lives overseas. She just completed her first year of graduate school and they are now ready to take the relationship to the next level.  He’s coming to the States and will be here on a student visa, attending another graduate school.  They planned to live together in student housing at the woman’s school.  However, since they aren’t married, the school requires certain documentation be filled out in order for them to live together.  They must sign and notarize an “Affidavit of Love,” a document which states that they are in love, are in a committed relationship, and they intend to be monogamous.  REALLY!  I am not making this up.

At first, the idea struck me as a little crazy and kind of comical.  An affidavit of love?  But then I thought, maybe it isn’t such a crazy idea.  Maybe all couples should use a document like this when they decide to be in a monogamous, committed relationship.  Would signing an affidavit of love make the decision feel more official, more binding?  Would couples take the relationship more seriously?  Or would it just be another promise which can be easily broken, like marriage vows?

A woman I know is going through a tough time with her husband.  She thinks he may be cheating on her.  Using a little humor to deal with the situation, she changed her ringtone for his calls to Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats.”  It got me thinking—what ringtone would you use for your ex?

The Boston Phoenix recently published their list of the 100 Un-Sexiest Men of 2010.  Tiger Woods took the number one position.  The top ten included other adulters —John Edwards, Jesse James, and Mark Sanford.  Check out the entire list and the very unflattering photos of each of these un-sexy men at http://thephoenix.com/unsexy/2010/

It’s almost always the woman who gets screwed in a divorce.  Apparently, one woman took that concept quite literally.  Melinda Brennan, a 46 year old divorced mother of four from Chappaqua, NY (yes, the same town where Bill and Hillary live) was arrested and charged with prostitution.  Police say Brennan advertised on Craigslist offering to have sex for money with “upscale men.”  (BTW, isn’t that an oxymoron—upscale men paying for sex?)  Brennan, a registered nurse, divorced in April and has been struggling to pay the rent.

I guess it would be easy to kick her while she’s down.  Why didn’t she just move to a less expensive town?  Why didn’t she take a second, legal job?  But what strikes me is the lengths to which some women will go to take care of their children.  I can imagine her feeling like the kids had already gone through enough, just dealing with the divorce.  She probably didn’t want to further disrupt their lives by uprooting them and moving to a new town. 

I certainly don’t condone Brennan’s actions, but I do feel sorry for her.  She must have felt completely desperate to resort to such measures.  Sometimes, divorce really sucks!

According to a recent survey of Americans aged 18 – 29, 30% say that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives.  That got me thinking—how would you define a successful marriage? 

Most people would probably automatically say that divorce equals an unsuccessful marriage.   But if a long term marriage eventually fizzles out and results in divorce, does that make it unsuccessful?  What about all those years before the divorce when the couple were happy and built a life together?   If a married couple spend decades of misery together but never divorce, would that be considered a successful marriage?  Is it just a question of sticking it out? 

How would you measure the success of a marriage?

People often start the New Year with ambitious resolutions.  Probably the most common ones are to lose weight, quit smoking, or give up drinking.  It only takes one cookie, cigarette, or glass of wine to break those resolutions.  We’re now one week into the New Year—have you already broken your New Year’s resolution?   The key to keeping resolutions is to accept the fact that you’ll probably “fall off the wagon” but you have to forgive yourself and persevere.  This can be particularly tough if your New Year’s resolution is to find love. 

A friend of mine decided 2010 is going to be the year for her to meet Mr. Right.  She’s been single for several years and has had a few relationships along the way, but the last one was over a year ago.  She got a jump start in December by going to a singles event, something she hadn’t done in quite a while.  It was all part of her plan to put herself out there, to give herself more opportunities to meet Mr. Right.  After being at the singles event for a little while, she couldn’t help but think about that saying, “it’s like riding a bicycle.”  It really did come pretty easily and she found herself chatting it up with several men.  By the end of the night, she had given her number to a couple of men.  None really struck her as “Mr. Right” but she was determined to be open-minded and positive.

One called the very next day.  Good, none of that nonsense about waiting three days to call—he already scored a point!  It took several days to coordinate things but finally plans were made to meet.  YAY—the first date of 2010.  She approached the evening with cautious optimism but as soon as they met at the appointed time and place, her heart sank.  “I didn’t think he was a magazine cover, but wasn’t he taller with more hair?” she wondered.  “And what’s with that outfit?” 

She was determined to remain positive as they sat down to have a drink.  While she found him pleasant enough, it became quickly apparent that this was not a match.  Aside from the complete lack of chemistry, she found him to be a bit boring and arrogant.  She stuck it out for a couple of hours and called it a night.

Strike one!  Memories of horrible dates flashed before her eyes.  Did she really want to put herself through this again?  She commiserated with a newly single friend.  Both agreed that it was much too early to give up.  After all, it was only the first week of 2010 and there are 51 more weeks to go.  She resolved to stick with it.  Both women are going to yet another singles event next week.  I can’t wait to hear about her second date of 2010.