It’s almost always the woman who gets screwed in a divorce. Apparently, one woman took that concept quite literally. Melinda Brennan, a 46 year old divorced mother of four from Chappaqua, NY (yes, the same town where Bill and Hillary live) was arrested and charged with prostitution. Police say Brennan advertised on Craigslist offering to have sex for money with “upscale men.” (BTW, isn’t that an oxymoron—upscale men paying for sex?) Brennan, a registered nurse, divorced in April and has been struggling to pay the rent.
I guess it would be easy to kick her while she’s down. Why didn’t she just move to a less expensive town? Why didn’t she take a second, legaljob? But what strikes me is the lengths to which some women will go to take care of their children. I can imagine her feeling like the kids had already gone through enough, just dealing with the divorce. She probably didn’t want to further disrupt their lives by uprooting them and moving to a new town.
I certainly don’t condone Brennan’s actions, but I do feel sorry for her. She must have felt completely desperate to resort to such measures. Sometimes, divorce really sucks!
It’s November and Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away. Visions of turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce begin to fill our heads. The holiday is also an opportunity to reflect on all that you have to be thankful for. If you’re recently divorced, in the midst of a divorce, or contemplating divorce, the holidays can be an emotionally difficult time and it may not seem like you have much to be thankful for. But think about it, there is definitely something to be thankful for. Maybe it’s something big, like the chance at a new beginning, or the realization that you are finally rid of that turkey you’ve been married to. Maybe it’s something small, like being thankful for a good night’s sleep, uninterupted by his snoring, or being able to come home and not have to talk about her day.
Divorce is never easy, so it can’t hurt to try to focus on the positive things and be thankful for whatever good you can find in such a dificult situation.
Has something like this ever happened to you? One day last week, I bent down to pick up a stack of newspapers for the recycling bin and the next thing I knew, I was writhing on the floor in pain. I laid there crying for several minutes before I could get myself up and make my way to the couch. For the next eight days, all I did was move myself from the couch to the floor, and to the bed, trying to find a comfortable position.
As I was staring up at the ceiling, I kept thinking about that episode of “Sex and the City” where Miranda, who lives alone, almost chokes. She basically performs the Heimlich Maneuver on herself and then she calls Carrie, freaking out, thinking she could have died alone in her apartment. That’s how I was feeling, totally helpless and all alone. I had visions of being found, laying prostrate on the living room floor having starved to death because I couldn’t get to the kitchen. But then I realized I was just feeling sorry for myself. Several friends had called while I was laid up and when I told them what had happened, they all offered help. I hate to impose, so I declined. But then everyone called again to check up and several insisted on coming by—with food, heating pads, and just to keep me company.
Having friends stop by and take care of me made a huge difference. It made the days go by faster and completely uplifted my mood. And I realized—my situation really was just like Miranda’s. Like her, I don’t currently have a significant other and I live alone. But I’m not alone. Like Miranda, I have my own Carrie, Samantha, and Charlotte and many more good friends. Maybe soon there’ll be a Mr. Big.
Of course by now you’ve heard that Jon and Kate Gosselin, the reality show parents with eight children, are divorcing. Rumors have been circulating for a while about Jon and his extracirricular activities. On the other hand, people will probably blame Kate for being a bit controlling and overbearing. It’s unfortunate, but I’m not really interested in how they got here. What I’m wondering about is what’s ahead for them.
Anyone who has been out there dating after a divorce knows that everyone comes with some baggage. One can only hope that your potential future mate has baggage which is “carry-on.” Unfortunately, there are a lot of “steamer trunks” out there. But eight kids? That’s enough baggage to fill a freight truck!
So I can’t help but wonder who would be interested in dating either Jon or Kate. Really, would you want to get involved in all that? I think it’s pretty safe to say that if Jon or Kate weren’t a “celebrity,” the chances of either of them finding someone who would want to become a step-parent to eight children would be pretty remote. I hope they’ll both be careful; there are a lot of people looking for their 15 minutes of fame.
Hey, maybe there’s another set of divorced parents out there with six or eight kids. Put them together with Jon and Kate and they’ll have another reality show, a modern day “Yours, Mine, and Ours.”
I’ve been following the gossip about Jon and Kate Gosselin, the stars of the reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” In case you haven’t heard of the show, let me fill you in. The “plus 8″ are Jon and Kate’s children—-a set of 8 year old twins and a set of 5 year old sextuplets (yes, that’s 6!!!) for a grand total of eight. First, rumors started circulating about Jon having an affair with a twenty-something year old and now there are rumors about Kate having an affair with her bodyguard.
What I can’t figure out is how either of them would have time to have an affair. They have eight children under the age of nine. I know women with two children who can’t find the time to shave their legs! All I can say is if the rumors turn out to be true, I certainly hope they’re being really careful because eight is enough!
My parents just celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary—quite an accomplishment! Unfortunately, my mother’s recent decline in health put a damper on the festivities. As hard as it has been on my mother, the emotional toll it has been taking on my father is equally dramatic. The whole situation has made me think about the true meaning of wedding vows, especially “in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part.”
My parents were so lucky to have decades of good health together, but now the sickness has arrived. Over the past several months, my father has watched the woman he has known for 60 years become more needy, more frail, less independent, and more forgetful; basically, a shadow of her former self. It’s depressing, frustrating, and somewhat isolating. But he’s there for her, trying his hardest to make things better for her. He is obviously a man of his word.
It makes you think about all those marriages that fell apart over all the usual reasons. Did (s)he leave because you don’t look as good as you did when you first got married? Because you’re not making enough money? Maybe you should consider yourself lucky because if your ex couldn’t deal with that stuff, it’s pretty likely (s)he wouldn’t be able to handle the “in sickness” part.
They say that the holidays are a very difficult time for many people. It was never that way for me. Starting with Thanksgiving and all the way through New Year’s Day, I always found the holidays to be the best time of the year. I loved all the preparation—planning the special meals, shopping for gifts, being with family and friends. But in the last few years since my separation and ensuing divorce, the holidays have changed for me.
In my case, Thanksgiving is still great. Same cast of characters. But December is trickier. For 22 years, my ex-husband and I spent Christmas with his brother’s family. It was a wonderful tradition. Once we separated, I felt it was important to continue the tradition and I encouraged my ex to take our daughter to his brother’s home for Christmas. But what was I going to do? I suddenly found myself scrambling to figure out plans. Luckily, I have some very dear friends who are willing to take me in on these kinds of occasions. Like a stray. As good a time as I may have, I can’t help but feel some sadness for the loss of the tradition and for the predictability of knowing who I’ll be with to celebrate the holidays.
After some discussion, my ex and I agreed to “joint custody” of my brother-in-law’s family. We’ve decided to alternate. He went with our daughter the first year, I went with her the next year. Luckily, it’s my turn this year—-hard to believe it’s already the fourth year. No stressing this Christmas about where I’ll be and who I’ll be with but it won’t be long before I have to start worrying about Christmas 2009.
How has your divorce changed the holidays for you?
