They say that the holidays are a very difficult time for many people. It was never that way for me. Starting with Thanksgiving and all the way through New Year’s Day, I always found the holidays to be the best time of the year. I loved all the preparation—planning the special meals, shopping for gifts, being with family and friends. But in the last few years since my separation and ensuing divorce, the holidays have changed for me.

In my case, Thanksgiving is still great. Same cast of characters. But December is trickier. For 22 years, my ex-husband and I spent Christmas with his brother’s family. It was a wonderful tradition. Once we separated, I felt it was important to continue the tradition and I encouraged my ex to take our daughter to his brother’s home for Christmas. But what was I going to do? I suddenly found myself scrambling to figure out plans. Luckily, I have some very dear friends who are willing to take me in on these kinds of occasions. Like a stray. As good a time as I may have, I can’t help but feel some sadness for the loss of the tradition and for the predictability of knowing who I’ll be with to celebrate the holidays.

After some discussion, my ex and I agreed to “joint custody” of my brother-in-law’s family. We’ve decided to alternate. He went with our daughter the first year, I went with her the next year.  Luckily, it’s my turn this year—-hard to believe it’s already the fourth year.  No stressing this Christmas about where I’ll be and who I’ll be with but it won’t be long before I have to start worrying about Christmas 2009.

How has your divorce changed the holidays for you?