A very wise woman I know offered me some dating advice which I think is worth sharing. “Alana” spent most of her 20’s and 30’s doing A LOT of dating before getting married at age 38. The first decade or so was filled with lots of disappointment and heartache and she almost gave up. Instead, she decided that she needed a more systematic approach to dating. The first thing she did was to sit down and write out a list of her rules for dating. I know, we’ve all heard of and/or read “The Rules” but those rules don’t work for everyone. You need to figure out what rules apply to you, what things are non-negotiable for you in a relationship. They can be about physical attributes, personality traits, dating etiquette and anything else that really matters to you.

We all have a list in our heads, but the act of actually writing that list out somehow makes it feel more official. The list also helps when we let our emotions cloud our judgment. We’ve all had those occasions when we’re feeling vulnerable and let something slide even though we know it isn’t acceptable. Referring to your written list reminds you of what you really want and expect in a relationship.

The second thing Alana did was stick to her list, no exceptions! One of Alana’s rules was that if a man told her he’d call on say, Tuesday but then didn’t call until Friday, she was done. That happened with one guy she dated a few times. When he finally called, she told him she wasn’t interested in dating him anymore, that he was unreliable and inconsiderate. He didn’t get it and continued to call her for an entire year, but she wouldn’t budge. Her feeling was that everyone is on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship, so if this was the best he could do after only a few dates, how inconsiderate would he be after a few months. Now, maybe that sounds crazy to you but it doesn’t matter. It was Alana’s rule and she stuck to it.

So take some time to think about your rules, commit them to memory as well as paper, and you just might end up with that commitment you’re looking for.