Mr. X and I finally decided to split up after 20 years of marriage. I’m not sure how he would characterize those 20 years, but I’d say we had a good 17 out of 20. The three not so good years weren’t simply the final three years but it’s my estimate of the total days throughout the entire marriage where I wasn’t happy. The days of being mad, giving him the silent treatment, hoping he’d get stuck at the office and I’d be asleep when he got home, fantasizing about life without him. Yet even during those times I never really thought we wouldn’t be together forever. I took my marriage vows very seriously and truly thought we’d grow old together. We did try to make it work but ultimately it became apparent that we’d be better off without each other. Life is full of surprises and sometimes you just have to adjust your thinking.

Once we made our decision, we waited a few months before we “went public.” During that time I gave a lot of thought as to how I would break the news of the breakup to my family and close friends. I made a list of all the people I’d have to tell and realized that I’d have to break the news over three dozen times. I honestly didn’t think I had the energy, either physically or emotionally, to go through it so many times. I finally decided to tell everybody via email. I know that might sound a little cold, but it was the best thing for me. I spent a lot of time preparing the email, agonizing over every word. I guess I did a pretty good job with the email because in the end everybody, all the most important people in my life, reacted just as I had hoped they would—with love, support, and encouragement.

How did you break the news of your breakup?