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Who Gets The Coffin? Katie or Tom

After 5 years of marriage, Katie Holmes has decided to stop living with “Eyes Wide Shut” and has filed for divorce from Tom Cruise.  Everyone said it was “Risky Business” when the two decided to get married.   The settlement will most likely prove to be a “Mission Impossible” considering the assets involved and the custody of their only child Suri.   

Cruise has previously been married and divorced twice, to Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman.  He is now 49 years old.  An interesting note is that each divorce occurred when his  wife turned 33.  We’ll have to consult our Scientology charts and try to determine if there is some significance with that number.  But for now, we will just play “Taps” to another failed marriage of Hollywood stars.

 

Who Gets the Coffin?

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So…who gets the coffin? Cast your vote and we’ll send a Wedding Ring Coffin to the winning spouse.   

We’ll also be giving away a Wedding Ring Coffin to the person with the most creative plaque message. Submit your plaque idea as a comment and we will pick the winner.

It’s also interesting that we couldn’t think of a single Katie Holmes movie to include in our snarky post.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Arnold or Maria

UPDATE: This poll is now closed. Maria Shriver has muscled out Arnold Schwarzenegger and won the Wedding Ring Coffin.

The Terminator has become the Terminatee. Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger have separated after 25 years of marriage. Apparently, Maria has been miserable and has been contemplating divorce for a couple of years. Sources say she could no longer deal with his huge ego and womanizing ways. She finally got up the courage to say “Hasta la vista, baby” to Arnold and it doesn’t look like “he’ll be back.”

 

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • Maria Shriver (78.0%, 193 Votes)
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger (19.0%, 46 Votes)

Total Voters: 247

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So…who gets the coffin? Cast your vote and we’ll send a Wedding Ring Coffin to the winning spouse.

We’ll also be giving away a Wedding Ring Coffin to the person with the most creative plaque message. Submit your plaque idea as a comment and we will pick the winner.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Couples Version

UPDATE: This poll is now closed. Courtney Cox and David Arquette are the winning ex-couple.

I guess we should call this month “Marriage-is-on-the-rocks-tober”.

Two of the worst stock market declines happened in October—in 1929 and 1987. Is the October curse spilling over to Hollywood? So far this month, four high profile celebrity splits have been announced: George Lopez and his wife, Ann; Mr. and Mrs. Christina Aguilera; Laura Dern and Ben Harper; and the latest, Courtney Cox & David Arquette.

Marriage-on-the-rocks-tober  

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • George Lopez &
          Anne Lopez
    (30.0%, 85 Votes)
  • Laura Dern &
          Ben Harper
    (11.0%, 31 Votes)
  • Christina Aquilera &
          Jordan Bratman
    (16.0%, 44 Votes)
  • Courtney Cox &
          David Arquette
    (38.0%, 107 Votes)

Total Voters: 279

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Comedian George Lopez and Ann Lopez were married for 17 years and have a 15-year-old daughter. Ann gave George one of her kidneys back in 2005! Their split appears to be amicable and so far, no mudslinging has occurred.

Songbird Christina Aguilera and her husband, music exec Jordan Bratman, have been married for almost five years and have a 2-year-old son. According to TMZ, Christina is the one who cheated but thanks to a pre-nup, she’ll probably get away cheap.

Actress Laura Dern (“Blue Velvet” and “Jurassic Park”) and musician husband Ben Harper married in 2005 and have two children. Harper cited irreconcilable differences in the divorce papers which Dern was supposedly blindsided by.

Finally, there’s Courtney Cox and David Arquette. It looks like Courtney isn’t David’s favorite “Friend.” After 11 years of marriage and one adorable daughter, the couple has agreed to a trial separation. But now that Arquette has spoken very openly on Howard Stern’s radio show, it seems like the end is near. Arquette revealed that the couple hasn’t had sex in four months. He accused Courtney of having an “emotional affair” with her “Cougartown” co-star, Brian Van Holt and he admitted to an affair of his own.

So which couple deserves the Wedding Ring Coffin?  Cast your vote and we’ll send one to each of the winning spouses.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Tipper or Al Gore

UPDATE:  This poll is now closed.  Tipper has beaten out Al Gore and has won a Wedding Ring Coffin. 

An inconvenient marriage is coming to an end. After 40 years of surviving numerous senatorial and presidential races and non-stop campaigning about global warming, the marriage of Al and Tipper Gore has chilled.

The lovey dovey couple have separated and it appears to be mutual.

 

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • Al Gore (29.0%, 20 Votes)
  • Tipper Gore (69.0%, 47 Votes)

Total Voters: 68

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The couple married four decades ago and have four grown children.  Al was a U.S. Senator as well as Vice President under Bill Clinton.  He came very close to defeating George W. Bush in the 2000 presidential election but a few hanging chads got in the way.  Those chads weighed heavily on the election and in turn Al weighed heavy.  Tipper has been his loving partner through it all but found time to place her mark on the music industry.  Her efforts resulted in the requirement to place warning labels for explicit lyrics on albums and CDs.

So…who gets the coffin?  Cast your vote and we’ll send a Wedding Ring Coffin to the winning spouse.

If you have an appropriate message to be engraved on the plaque, let us know in the comments.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Elin Nordegren or Tiger Woods

UPDATE:  This poll is now closed.  Elin Nordegren has not only scored big with her divorce settlement, but she has won the Wedding Ring Coffin. 

Squeaky clean Tiger Woods is a bit dirty after all.  Since surviving a minor car accident on his property Thanksgiving evening, as well as a close encounter with one of his golf clubs, Tiger Woods’ world has landed in the rough.  To date, 12 women have come forward and claimed to have had an affair with the golf legend, including one with the text messages and voice mails to prove it!  It wouldn’t be surprising if the number gets higher — Tiger is known for playing 18 holes!

Tiger’s beautiful wife, the Swedish model Elin Nordegren, has apparently decided she’s had enough.  She’s moved out of their Florida home and has bought a mansion on a private island off the coast of Stockholm.

tiger-elin-woods  

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • Tiger Woods (26.0%, 97 Votes)
  • Elin Nordegren (72.0%, 269 Votes)

Total Voters: 374

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The couple married in October 2004. They have a 2-year-old daughter and an infant son…a yacht, some mansions, and of course an iron-clad pre-nup.

They haven’t announced plans to divorce yet, and who knows they may stay together. Some media outlets have reported that Tiger made some offers to re-up the pre-nup, in effect paying Elin $60 million to stay with him for another two years.  But we need to strike while the 9-iron’s hot, so…who gets the coffin?   Cast your vote and we’ll send a Wedding Ring Coffin to the winning spouse. 

As always, if you have an appropriate message to be engraved on the plaque, let us know in the comments.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Avril Lavigne or Deryck Whibley

UPDATE:  This poll is now closed.  There is a happy ending after all.  The Wedding Ring Coffin goes to Avril Lavigne.

So much for her happy ending! Pop punk star Avril Lavigne has told husband Deryck Whibley, lead singer of Sum 41, to leave their Bel-Air mansion. The couple married in 2006, but rumors of divorce have been circulating since early this year.

Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley  

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • Deryck Whibley (37.0%, 80 Votes)
  • Avril Lavigne (56.0%, 122 Votes)

Total Voters: 217

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On her blog, Lavinge wrote “Deryck and I have been together for six-and-a-half years. We have been friends since I was 17, started dating when I was 19, and married when I was 21. I am grateful for our time together, and I am grateful and blessed for our remaining friendship. “

The couple had been working on several songs together for Avril’s upcoming CD. Apparently remaining friends does not include remaining collaborators. Word is that Lavigne wants to remove any evidence of Whibley from the CD and will be reworking the songs.

Who gets the coffin? Cast your vote and we’ll send a Wedding Ring Coffin to the one with the most votes. If you have an idea for an appropriate message to be engraved, let us know in a comment.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Jon or Kate Gosselin

UPDATE:  This poll is now closed.  Kate Gosselin beat out ex-husband Jon and we will be sending Kate a Wedding Ring Coffin. 

Jon and Kate plus eight divided by two equals “Who Gets the Coffin?”

The stars of the TLC reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, are divorcing.  Kate and Jon Gosselin confirmed the rumors of their divorce on their Season 5 premiere episode.  But the show will go on!  Each parent will be filmed with the children separately as they progress through Season 5 and the demise of their marriage.

jon-kate-gosselin  

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • Kate Gosselin (57.0%, 63 Votes)
  • Jon Gosselin (41.0%, 45 Votes)

Total Voters: 110

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Jon has been accused of cheating with co-eds while out on the town.  Kate has been tagged as “controlling” and “verbally abusive” to Jon as well as to her children.  A video circulating around the internet shows Kate on a break during a television interview denying her daughter a drink of water, after she has just quenched her own thirst.

So who gets the coffin?  Cast your vote for the spouse you feel is most deserving.  We’ll send a Wedding Ring Coffin to whoever has the most votes.  If you have an idea for a message to be engraved, let us know by leaving a comment.

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Who Gets The Coffin? Usher or Tameka Foster

Love Was Here, but now it’s not.

R&B singer Usher has filed for divorce from his wife of two years, Tameka Foster.  Usher and Tameka, a stylist, were married in August of 2007.   The couple have two young children together.  Usher Raymond V is 18 months and Naviyd is just six months.

tameka-usher  

Who Gets The Coffin?

  • Tameka Foster (48.0%, 103 Votes)
  • Usher (45.0%, 97 Votes)

Total Voters: 216

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There was trouble in paradise even before they had tied the knot.  Usher’s mother strongly disapproved of Tameka and the upcoming wedding had been called off.   They eventually were married.  Tameka underwent plastic surgery in Brazil and there were complications causing Usher to cancel his tour so that he could be at her side.  That close call seemed to pull the couple together, however it wasn’t enough to keep the marriage going.  After weeks of speculation, Usher filed for divorce in Atlanta on Friday, June 12th.

Who gets the coffin?  Cast your vote and we will send a Wedding Ring Coffin to the spouse with the most votes.

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Who gets the coffin? Katie or Tom? Cast your vote!



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